Memories, Mi Familia, The Power of His Memory, Theodore

His Mercy Endure Forever

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Dear Theodore,

I have to write. The pain appears too unbearable right now. This past Sunday, Divine Mercy Sunday, was the 8 year anniversary of your death. It seems like forever ago. I was only 10. Just a young child who’s world was turned upside down in one moment. I won’t go into real detail on what happened, I have done that here, what I want is to write on my own personal experience.

I remember being completely oblivious to what could happen. I was only 10, death didn’t seem real to me. I had never really experienced it. I didn’t know what it was. When we got the call from dad that you were dead, I still didn’t know what that meant. I repeated it to myself trying to see if it would make sense; it didn’t work. I tried to sort it in my mind what had happened… with everyone around me crying, hurt over taking them. I tried to think, but it was the shock that fell on me.

Bernadette asked if anyone would like to go and see you in the hospital, I went. I never walked in your room. I stood outside comforting Jacinta. I was scared. It scared me seeing my brother who was so full of life lying motionless in a hospital bed. Others who were there stood at your bedside. Tears filling their eyes. We all had the same thoughts, emotions. We were all scared. We were hurt. Our hearts broken. We were in shock. And we didn’t really understand what had just happened to our lives; our family.

It hasn’t changed. Eights years and I still question why. Eight years and I am still in shock. Eight years and I still don’t understand what happened. And eight years, I still am broken and hurt.
And so, I know that time will get better and I will once again learn to smile and laugh. My heart will be filled with joy. But right now, I miss you. I miss Nana, too. It has only been a month. I know God has a better and bigger plan, but I can’t see it. In the midst of my sorrow and loss, I don’t understand why this is happening. I can only trust. And as His “mercy endures forever”, I know I will be okay.

I love you, and Nana, too!
-Genevieve

Memories, The Power of His Memory, Who am I?

How do you stay so happy?

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The other day someone asked me: Genevieve, how do you stay so happy?

I was uncertain as how to respond. I kind of chuckled and thought do I really seem happy? This was the day after the funeral of a very close friend’s baby sister. I was rather stunned that this person asked me this question when deep inside I was falling apart. I thought for a second, then replied: Because I focus on the positive. 

The person quickly asked: And what are those?

I replied that I am healthy. I am not dying. I have friends. Family. And my God who love and care for me deeply. I didn’t think much of our little encounter until afterwards. As I was leaving work, I began thinking about that question. I thought to myself: what made him think that? What about my behavior/attitude made him think that? I was perplexed since I didn’t view myself as being very happy. I feel stress, overwhelm, hurt, and lonely. The last feeling I had was happiness. Yet something about my attitude made this person think that I was happy. Something I either said or did made others think that I was happy. Maybe it was my smile. My hearty good-morning to them. Or, maybe it simply was because I am happy. Since if I really sit down and think about everything that has happened in my life, there has been sorrow and pain, but truly I’ve had moments of true happiness.

From the moment my parents baptized me, I’ve had the opportunity to experience true happiness. Happiness that comes from within. Happiness that is lasting. Since God is true happiness and He gave Himself to me so that I can possess the ultimate happiness. The happiness of being with Him forever. As we are taught in our early years of Catechism, if you were the only person, Christ still would have died just for you. It’s a simple way of explaining God’s love for us, yet it is so accurate. I have to remind myself of that simple phrase sometimes, and I will admit sometimes it does not seem to be enough. But if I actually took the time to think of all that has happened in my life–the good and the bad–I would have to admit that I am happy.

And because of all that, I stay happy. I know times get hard and rough, but they get better. This has been proven to me from time and time again. And, as I think about this, I realize just why one would think I am happy… because I have no reason not to be.